Breaking as opposed to fixing

[CJ]

These forums are often used as a means to get other peoples feedback when a problem occurs with your FTO but I want to shake it up a bit and get some info on how best to break things! The idea behind this is to give people info on how not to drive, change gear, use breaks or badly maintain etc, preventitive measures if you will.

I'll start it off:

Q: Who wants to tell me how to break a clutch?

CJ

[Muad_dib77]

I know - go on the m50 from Blanch to Sandyford and back 5 days a week in your manual GPX for about 2 months.

Leave For Sandyford at 9am
Leave For Blanch 5pm ish.

Worked for me.

I'll also tell you how to make your engine sieze up..

1st get you clutch replaced by a bag of muppets that obviously fiddle with stuff that doesn't need fiddling with.
Then neglect to check your oil level for a few day - when you big end bearing goes - leave the car sitting for a while (I did one month but if you leave it longer it'll probably be even more spectacular).
Notice that the car has no oil in it what soever - fill it.
Drive down the road - and feel the engine kinda clunk away - then notice the trail of black stuff on the road behind you in your mirror.
The wonder as your face nearly hits the windscreen as your engine has siezed with an almighty "Croooooooouuuuiiiiiinck" - rush out of the car - stare in amazement at the blue/black soddy smoke billowing from your engine compartment.

Oh it was a "great day!" - Turned out the oil filter was loose.

Uh a neat way of frying a new car radio is to fit it with the ingintion on - a friend of mine wouldn't listen to me... so I've see it done.. best of all 1st thing he did when he pulled the radio out of the box was to replace the 10amp fuse on the back of the radio with a 20amp one.. result was instead of the fuse blowing the radio let out the magic smoke that makes all electronics work.

I couldn't help snigger - he just went all quiet.. I felt a bad for a split-second..
(he returned the radio to the store..)

[Myfeckin FTO]

.......
Q: Who wants to tell me how to break a clutch?

CJ

Easy one this:

After a couple of 1/4 mile sprints and tendancy to "side step" as opposed to easing off the clutch (none of this double declutching nonsense) I think I am qualified in all things clutch burning.

Step 1: REV engine to 4000RPM (Anymore will cause front wheels to spin too easily and will not do as much damage as tyres that are actually gripping).
2: Put in 1st gear
3: Sidestep clutch
4: For extra effect you may want to also hold up the handbrake to lock back wheels while fronts are tearing up the tarmac therefore putting the max amount of stress on the clutch.
5: When you eventually feel the clutch slipping thats your cue to give it loads of welly.
6: Deep intake of breath - that sweet smell is a mans smell - I love the smell of clutch in the morning.


For the girlies:
1: Approach traffic lights on hill
2: Come to a stop but under no circumstances should you engage the handbrake or brake
3: Simply hold the car on the clutch for the 3-5 mins you are at the lights - you should be feeling a gentle rocking motion - Nows a good time to adjust the makeup and hair - don't worry about rolling back into the car behind - thats what bumpers are for!
4: When pulling away ensure that you apply the accelerator while holding the clutch at the halfway bite mark - don't worry about the smoke - its entirely natural
5: Continue on your journey making sure that you rest your left foot on the clutch at all times

[dave100]

@ myFTO!

I'v got a good one on how to wreck your valves, cylinder head, pistons and conrods...all you need to do is a simple spark plug change!!
Yes folks, its sooo easy, even an idiot like me can do it-just accidently drop a nut or washer down the inlet manifold during a routine plug change before bolting everything back in place.
Turn the ignition and hey presto - listen to your engine crunch its top end to bits. For maximum effect, drive it 10 miles to the mechanics to ask his opinion.
Priceless

[Sebastian]

good one:) dave

q: HOW to break/crack a tail light ..

A : Slam that boot a few times (because it doesnt close properly )..
Dont worry ther's no sugar