Joke forum

[Mickthepieman]

May I humbly suggest we have a joke forum


One to start it, did you here the one about the Irish sniper ? rick O'Shea

I know not very funny can you do any better...


How about the man that died and went to heaven, he was met bye an angel, he took the man into a great hall, the walls were full of clock's, the man said to the angle what are all these clock's for ?, the angel said everyone on earth has a clock up here, the man then said whose is that clock with the hands pointing to 12 o'clock the angel replied that clock belongs to mother Teresa, every time you tell a lie the clock moves on a notch, O said the man let me see Bertie's clock said the man, the angle replied that clock is in the office with GOD, why ? said the man, because GOD is using it for a FAN, Ha Ha

[Gwyn]

Mick - here's the funniest joke I've heard in years..................

Ronaldhino to Man City

Ah Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha..

[jayod12b]

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing,
his eyes are rolled back in his head.
The other guy whips out his mobile and calls the emergency services.
He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says: "Just take it easy.
I can help.
First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard.
The guy's voice comes back on the line.
He says: "OK, now what?"

[Marie]

A first-grade teacher, Ms. Brooks, was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, 'Harry, what's your problem ?'

Harry answered, 'I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too !'

Ms. Brooks had had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office.

While Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed.

Harry was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.

Principal : 'What is 3 x 3 ?'

Harry : '9.'

Principal : 'What is 6 x 6 ?'

Harry : '36.'

And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader should know.

The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, 'I think Harry can go to the 3rd grade.'

Ms. Brooks says to the principal,' Let me ask him some questions.'

The principal and Harry both agreed.

Ms. Brooks asks, 'What does a cow have four of that I have only two of ?'

Harry, after a moment: 'Legs.'

Ms Brooks: 'What is in your pants that you have but I do not have ?'

The principal wondered why would she ask such a question !

Harry replied : 'Pockets.'

Ms. Brooks : 'What does a dog do that a man steps into ?'

Harry : 'Pants.'

Ms. Brooks : What starts with a C , ends with a T , is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid ?'

Harry : ' Coconut.'

The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.

Ms. Brooks :' What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky ?'
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop the answer, Harry replied, 'Bubble gum.'

Ms. Brooks : 'What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting down and a dog does on three legs ?'

Harry : 'Shake hands.'

The principal was trembling.

Ms. Brooks : 'What word starts with an ' F ' and ends in ' K ' that means a lot of heat and excitement ?'

Harry : 'Fire truck.'

The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,' Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong...

[power]

A teacher was going through maths with her class when she noticed one of her students, johnny, very uneasy at the back of the class. she walked down to see what was wrong with him, he had both hands in his pockets and fidgeting back and forth, she asked what he was doing? he whispered to her that he had recently been circumsized and was very uncomfortable! she told him to go to the office and call his mother to see what to do. he came back into the class, and sat into his seat. after a few minutes the teacher heard a commotion at the back of the class, only to find johnny sitting back with his lad out! she immediately asked what he was up to? he replied "well i called my mum and she said that if i could stick it out til after lunch she'd come and collect me!"